| Dear Reggie... Authored by Andrew Perna - February 27, 2007 - 1:32 pm
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If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, close your browser and shut down your computer. There’s no need for you to read what I have to say if these devastating rumors aren’t even remotely accurate. This morning I woke up and scanned the internet for basketball news, as I do every day. Except today my worst nightmare nearly came true.
What I read was worse than a sudden blockbuster deal involving both Jermaine O’Neal and Danny Granger, worse then hearing that Marquis Daniels added to his legal troubles by threatening to whack Tony Soprano, and even more frightening than finding Jamaal Tinsley on the injured list because of a blown nose. This piece of news was almost incomprehensible. I had to read the short paragraph five times in order to let it sink in. Once it did, I began having panic attacks.
News out of Dallas is that Mark Cuban and Avery Johnson would love to have you fill their vacant roster spot. They feel you’re in terrific shape, that a guy like you never loses his ability to shoot. They would give you the chance to finally get that ring, albeit as a Maverick. Hold on, I need to go throw up.
Okay, I’m back.
Reggie, just in case this is more than a rumor. Just in case you’re actually considering a return to the NBA. Please hear me out. There are countless reasons why you should never put a professional basketball jersey on your 6’7” frame again.
First of all, you’d make yourself a hypocrite. When you retired two years ago you swore you’d never return to the court. You didn’t want to be like Mike. You felt the game was too sacred to disrespect in that matter. Even during your career you said you’d never chase a ring, a la Karl Malone. The way you said goodbye in May of 2005 was perfect, even if bittersweet. After a season full of turmoil you willed the Pacers to the postseason like it was 1995. You helped carry Indiana into the second round. During the Game 7 blowout of the Celtics you looked like the Reggie who beat the Knicks numerous times. At 39, you looked 19.
Three times your worshipers gave you a much-due celebration. We came together to celebrate your career after the last home game of your last regular season. Donnie gave you a Bentley. Then as storybook as fate allowed, you ended your eighteen-year career on the floor of Conseco Fieldhouse. Finally, last March we raised your number thirty-one (and only) into the rafters. People flew in from all over the world to be there for that once-in-a-lifetime moment, myself included.
Lastly, if you return to the game – and not as a Pacer, you’d probably become responsible for the health and safety of millions of Indiana faithful. Tim from Fishers would probably pull a Britney Spears, shave his head and start partying with the Hiltons. Don from Indianapolis would wander the streets looking for John Starks. Personally, I’d enter rehab more times than Billy Joel, Lindsay Lohan and Matthew Perry combined. I may give up sports altogether. I’d become unresponsive to Eva Longoria, Jennifer Aniston and Artichokes’ famous game threads on the RealGM Pacer forum.
Things would get bad.
So, Reggie if you’re considering this – STOP. Not only would you put a stain on your reputation, become a hypocrite and send the citizens of Pacer Nation into a spiral laced with depression, alcohol, and baldness, but you’d probably sink the entire Pacer franchise. With all the stuff we’re been through lately Larry Bird might hole himself up if you put on a Dallas uniform. We wouldn’t be able to handle seeing it.
If this was all some stupid rumor, though your appearance on the Dan Patrick show made it seem much more real, and by some stroke of luck you’re actually reading this – please let me know it’s bogus Reg. Even if there’s truth to it, tell me they want you and the feeling isn’t mutual. I probably won’t sleep for months, waiting until there’s no chance for you to return. No chance for you to make a cut so deep in our hearts that we’ll never be the same. So please, shoot me an e-mail, just a four-word response if you can muster the time.
Just type – I’D NEVER DO IT.
Just end the misery… Andrew.Perna@RealGM.com |
